“Where I Come From” Second Draft / First Formal Draft

Looking up into sky,

Same blue, same white,

Some people chit chat.

Out of the window,

Same scene as before.

I stare at nothing

With my mind back to ten years ago.

 

Looking up into sky,

The girl was frustrated.

She wanted to go out but was stopped

Since she hadn’t finished her homework.

 

How much she hated that two people!

Didn’t even want to mention.

She swore to leave, swore to be free

Her day would come.

 

Year by year, the girl grows up

And that is me.

Dream finally comes true

How happy I am!

 

But why

I feel lonely and afraid,

Need people save me

Out of the swamp of confusion.

 

Looking up into sky

Clouds appear to be face of that two people.

They gave me a hand when I fell

Accompanied me when I was sick

Always gave me a hug when I back home

Memory floods, smothering me

Okay, I miss them.

 

How are they?

I know they are same as me

But I can’t get back to them right now

I promise, I swear

I’ll take care of myself

live a wonderful life

One day, I’ll get home

Saying, “Hey, I’m back.”

“This I Believe” Extra Credit

On Thursday night, I attended the “This I Believe” essay reading. The three readers devoted great efforts reading their essays. We can see that from their appropriate rhythm, volume, body language, etc. All readers composed their essays from things they are most familiar with and their passion was clearly expressed in their essays. So the three essays were moving and it was easy for listeners to understand the readers’ feeling.

Among the three essays, my favorite one is YJ’s.  Her central content is her belief transition from Buddhism to Christianity. Because of the similar cultures we share, I was impressed by her essay the most. YJ comes from South Korea, whose culture is similar as Chinese culture. However, she started her international life since she was very young. The traditional religions in Korea and America are Buddhism and Christianity respectively. YJ met these two entirely different religions at a young age, so she was confused of the difference of them and didn’t know which to believe in. As she grew up, she gradually figured out the differences and became a Christian following her heart. Although I’m not a Christian, I can understand her initial confusion and alusia. When I came to America half a year ago, I found America a very different country from China even though I had had a mental preparation for it.  The huge culture conflicts once dragged me into helplessness. Things have been much better now, but I can still remind of the difficulty of the first days. So I admire YJ’s courage and strong spirit a lot.

I believe that a nice article must be one that can evoke resonance in others. From this point, I think all of the three essays have done well.

“Where I Come From” First Draft

Looking up into sky

Same white, same blue

Some people chit chat

Out of the window

Same scene as before.

I stare at nothing

With my mind back to ten years ago.

 

Looking up into sky

The girl was frustrated.

She wanted to go out but stopped by two

Since she hadn’t finished her homework.

How she hated that two people!

Didn’t even want to mention them.

She swore to leave, swore to be free

Her day would come.

 

Year by year, the girl grows up

And that is I.

Dream finally came true

How happy I was!

But why

I feel lonely and afraid,

Need people save me

Out the swamp of confusion.

 

Looking up into sky

Clouds appear to be face of that two people.

They gave me a hand when I fell

Accompanied me when I was sick

Always a hug when I back home

Memory floods, smothering me

Okay, I miss them.

How are they?

 

I know they are same as me

But I can’t get back to them right now

I promise, I swear

I’ll take care of myself

live a wonderful life

One day, I’ll get home

Saying, “Hey, I’m back.”

“Where I Come From” Models

Among the three poems, “Digging” by Seamus Heaney grabbed my attention the most.

In this poem, we can see several different sentiments. What I like most is the recall of the past. In the fourth paragraph of the poem, the author depicted the scene that father worked laboriously by using lots of verbs and adjectives. These vivid depictions create a sense of both hardness and satisfaction of agricultural work. The last two lines of the fourth paragraph, “To scatter new potatoes that…… in our hands”, makes me feel the happiness of holding fruit of effort in hands.

The third and fifth paragraphs of the poem are transition paragraphs of context. The “comes up twenty years away” in the third paragraph and “Just like his old man” add some traces of the passed time and naturally shift the scene to older times.

There is also specific description in the fifth paragraph. However, it is subtly different from the third paragraph. It described the industry and competence of grandfather. And the detail that grandfather drinks milk the author carried him makes me a bit bitter actually.

The word “digging” appears several times in the poem. The author successfully enforced the spirit of hardworking and living earnestly of his father and grandfather.

The first and the last paragraph echo to each other. The analogy of pen as a gun gives reader a feeling of steadfast and power. Through this analogy and “I’ll dig with it” in the last paragraph, the author wants to express his determination to follow his grandfather and father’s spirit, and to fight for his dream.

This poem reminds me of the history of my family. My family history is a story of struggle and dreams. I, same as the author, want to dig deeply into life, dig for the true essence of life. However, when I read the line “But I’ve no spade to follow men like them”, I felt like that the author was pitiful of that fact. I wondered if the pity I felt in line is an illusion.