- This poem is to express my feeling of leaving home. The first version used short sentences that make the audience feel my urgent emotion of missing home and desire to go back there. However, the final draft not only used short sentences but also the long ones. The alternation between short and long sentences simulated gasps when people have strong emotion fluctuations. So the final draft made the purpose of the poem more explicit. The both drafts switched between the first and third person. However, when I switched back from the third person to the first, I wrote, ”and that is I”. The audiences are cleverer than I think, so I didn’t have to say it out since it is a poem. So I didn’t say it out in the third draft but mentioned “heart” both at the beginning of the third and first person stanzas to indicate these two people were the same one actually instead.
- In the poem, I separated it into five stanzas. Each stanza has its own theme. The first stanza, as the beginning, explained the initial situation between my parents and I, and accounted for the reason why I was eager to leave home. The second stanza described the time when I finally leave home and the happiness that I enjoyed. It works as a transition from the past to the present in the overall poem so it has an important function but should not take too much space. Thus I made it rather short and concise. The content in the third stanza is a new beginning, the beginning of my life far from home, and the beginning of my nostalgia. The fourth stanza is the climax of the poem and need sufficient contents to induce the climax naturally. That’s why the fourth stanza is the longest one among the five and each line in it is comparatively long. The last stanza carried on the nostalgia as well as concluded the whole poem. So I assigned it similar characteristics as the second stanza, short and concise. In total, I separated the stanzas according to the contents and arranged the lengths of them according to both their contents and the functions they have in the whole poem.
- During the process of writing this poem, I found it hard to describe the feeling that I was most familiar with because there were too many memories connected with it. So I thought back carefully when it was quiet around so that I could concentrate to myself. I think this is a repeat-worth process because it really helps to come up with some ideas and figure out the most important ones. And it also helps to improve the overall quality of my work after I finish the draft. Secondly, I read many poems of the similar theme when I was composing the poem, by both famous poets and peers. It is worth repeating because I can really learn lots of things from reading works by others, not only inspirations, but also the skills of writing and some other things. And my peers and I talked about each other’s poems and give reflections for each other. It’s nice to have ideas from peers since we can know what others want to see in our works. And it is definitely what I will do in the future when working on important tasks.
“First Recitation” Planning
In the first recitation, I chose “Japan” by Billy Collins. I found it in our poetry textbook, where there were lots of nice poems. I chose this poem because this reminds me of the time when I recited poems in high school, so it’s theme is what I was familiar with. And the depiction of the scenes of the author reading his favorite haiku is vivid and interesting.
I found out the haiku the author mentioned in the poem. It was so short that I didn’t really realize that it was a poem. I tried to comprehend its inner spirit by reading it out several times. After this process, it was easier to understand the emotion the author buried in the poem and helped me to interpret the poem. Basically, my preparation strategy for the recitation is reading the poem out over and over. Since it’s a comparatively long poem, reading iteratively greatly helps to recite it. And I found that every time I read it, something new popped up in my mind, sometimes new understanding of the poem, sometimes ideas about performance. Another strategy is to find the connections between each stanza. The connections can make me think of the next stanza when I read one stanza. By combining these connections, I can recite the poem continuously. There is a lingering charm in this poem, so when I recite it, I need to be in a peaceful and somewhat long-drawn-out tone. And I think some etherealizing music will make the recitation stronger in effect. Maybe I will use some background pictures too.
In fact, I’m a little bit nervous about the recitation for two reasons. The first is that I’ve always had a stage-fright and the second is that I’m not very confident in reciting the whole poem proficiently. To overcome them, I will need to practice over and over and put all my heart into it. I believe I will have a wonderful experience!
“Poetry @ Tech Review”-Newbern, Veach and Ward
Actually it’s not the first time I attend poetry reading like this. But last time I was a little bit late, so I hadn’t enough time to really enjoy it. This time I listened to the reading with my heart at the very beginning, so the experience is different from last time. At first, I was somewhat disappointed because the first poet Laura Newbern failed to grab my attention. Her voice was very low and I could just hear her. Maybe because of her poems were not so straightforward, I couldn’t catch her well. Comparing with her, I prefer the last two poets, Dan Veach and Thom Ward. I personally liked the second poet, Dan Veach, best, for his writing styles. However, in the aspect of recitation, I thought both of them did a great job of delivering the poems to the audience. They read their poems at appropriate volumes and pronounced clearly, so that the audience could easily hear them. They also did a nice job interacting with the audience. Their tone was relaxed and delightful. And the appropriate standstills they allowed the audience to digest and appreciate what they had just heard. Their poems were easy to understand and to resonate with. I could feel part of the emotions the author had had when he was creating the work. Maybe Laura Newbern could read louder and clearer and communicate more with the crowd. Overall, I enjoyed this poetry reading and gained some experience from the poets on poetry recitation and I liked the poems as well. I think I will be pleased to have other chances to attend activities like this.
“Where I Come From” Final Draft
12：30 AM
12:30 am.
The girl had tears on her face
staring at the infinite dome out of the window.
The moonlight was so cold,
as cold as her heart.
Hours ago she shut her door
separated herself from her parents.
They were devils in her eyes.
Why did they refused her
even if she just wanted to go to the movie with friends.
Study, study, study,
She didn’t hate to study
But she did hate her parents keeping saying it.
Would it be the spell that she could never get rid of?
Nonsense!
She swore to leave, swore to be free
Her day would come.
1348 days
have passed since that night.
She’s at the airport
can’t wait to fly across an ocean and a continent
Turning over a new page of life,
far, far away,
from home.
Everything‘s so good
All her dreams come true
Her day has come!
12:30 am.
The moonlight illuminates my face,
so soft
that it softens my heart,
the one that used to be cold.
Looking up into the sky,
I suddenly remember that
the bright moon is the meaning of my name.
Oh, my parents gave me such a name,
such a beautiful one.
Oh, why do I think of them?
it’s not good!
Mother’s face appears from nowhere.
She’s attentively cooking for me.
Adding ingredients, tasting, adding, and tasting
she thoroughly carries out the principle of trial and error.
All she does was only to copy the taste
I have praised last time at the restaurant.
Father’s voice sounds.
“Why do you always make me worry about you?”
“Eat on time, sleep on time and study more!”
Strict is the word for him, but he cares me the most.
Oh, memory floods, smothering me,
Bad, bad, bad.
All right, I miss them!
I know they are the same as me
I’m eager to fly home
but I just can’t do it right now.
Don’t be worry, don’t be sad.
I promise, I swear
I’ll take care of myself
and live a wonderful life.
One day, I’ll get home
Saying, “Hey, I’m back.”
“Where I Come From” Second Draft / First Formal Draft
Looking up into sky,
Same blue, same white,
Some people chit chat.
Out of the window,
Same scene as before.
I stare at nothing
With my mind back to ten years ago.
Looking up into sky,
The girl was frustrated.
She wanted to go out but was stopped
Since she hadn’t finished her homework.
How much she hated that two people!
Didn’t even want to mention.
She swore to leave, swore to be free
Her day would come.
Year by year, the girl grows up
And that is me.
Dream finally comes true
How happy I am!
But why
I feel lonely and afraid,
Need people save me
Out of the swamp of confusion.
Looking up into sky
Clouds appear to be face of that two people.
They gave me a hand when I fell
Accompanied me when I was sick
Always gave me a hug when I back home
Memory floods, smothering me
Okay, I miss them.
How are they?
I know they are same as me
But I can’t get back to them right now
I promise, I swear
I’ll take care of myself
live a wonderful life
One day, I’ll get home
Saying, “Hey, I’m back.”
“This I Believe” Extra Credit
On Thursday night, I attended the “This I Believe” essay reading. The three readers devoted great efforts reading their essays. We can see that from their appropriate rhythm, volume, body language, etc. All readers composed their essays from things they are most familiar with and their passion was clearly expressed in their essays. So the three essays were moving and it was easy for listeners to understand the readers’ feeling.
Among the three essays, my favorite one is YJ’s. Her central content is her belief transition from Buddhism to Christianity. Because of the similar cultures we share, I was impressed by her essay the most. YJ comes from South Korea, whose culture is similar as Chinese culture. However, she started her international life since she was very young. The traditional religions in Korea and America are Buddhism and Christianity respectively. YJ met these two entirely different religions at a young age, so she was confused of the difference of them and didn’t know which to believe in. As she grew up, she gradually figured out the differences and became a Christian following her heart. Although I’m not a Christian, I can understand her initial confusion and alusia. When I came to America half a year ago, I found America a very different country from China even though I had had a mental preparation for it. The huge culture conflicts once dragged me into helplessness. Things have been much better now, but I can still remind of the difficulty of the first days. So I admire YJ’s courage and strong spirit a lot.
I believe that a nice article must be one that can evoke resonance in others. From this point, I think all of the three essays have done well.
“Where I Come From” First Draft
Looking up into sky
Same white, same blue
Some people chit chat
Out of the window
Same scene as before.
I stare at nothing
With my mind back to ten years ago.
Looking up into sky
The girl was frustrated.
She wanted to go out but stopped by two
Since she hadn’t finished her homework.
How she hated that two people!
Didn’t even want to mention them.
She swore to leave, swore to be free
Her day would come.
Year by year, the girl grows up
And that is I.
Dream finally came true
How happy I was!
But why
I feel lonely and afraid,
Need people save me
Out the swamp of confusion.
Looking up into sky
Clouds appear to be face of that two people.
They gave me a hand when I fell
Accompanied me when I was sick
Always a hug when I back home
Memory floods, smothering me
Okay, I miss them.
How are they?
I know they are same as me
But I can’t get back to them right now
I promise, I swear
I’ll take care of myself
live a wonderful life
One day, I’ll get home
Saying, “Hey, I’m back.”
“Where I Come From” Models
Among the three poems, “Digging” by Seamus Heaney grabbed my attention the most.
In this poem, we can see several different sentiments. What I like most is the recall of the past. In the fourth paragraph of the poem, the author depicted the scene that father worked laboriously by using lots of verbs and adjectives. These vivid depictions create a sense of both hardness and satisfaction of agricultural work. The last two lines of the fourth paragraph, “To scatter new potatoes that…… in our hands”, makes me feel the happiness of holding fruit of effort in hands.
The third and fifth paragraphs of the poem are transition paragraphs of context. The “comes up twenty years away” in the third paragraph and “Just like his old man” add some traces of the passed time and naturally shift the scene to older times.
There is also specific description in the fifth paragraph. However, it is subtly different from the third paragraph. It described the industry and competence of grandfather. And the detail that grandfather drinks milk the author carried him makes me a bit bitter actually.
The word “digging” appears several times in the poem. The author successfully enforced the spirit of hardworking and living earnestly of his father and grandfather.
The first and the last paragraph echo to each other. The analogy of pen as a gun gives reader a feeling of steadfast and power. Through this analogy and “I’ll dig with it” in the last paragraph, the author wants to express his determination to follow his grandfather and father’s spirit, and to fight for his dream.
This poem reminds me of the history of my family. My family history is a story of struggle and dreams. I, same as the author, want to dig deeply into life, dig for the true essence of life. However, when I read the line “But I’ve no spade to follow men like them”, I felt like that the author was pitiful of that fact. I wondered if the pity I felt in line is an illusion.
ariayh 